Mama Drama

As our family expanded (thanks to my brother and sister-in-law pumping out three kids and my impending marriage), my parents decided to put an addition on the Cape house. Not only was I excited that my beloved summer cottage was getting a fantastic upgrade but it meant an opportunity to decorate more rooms, bathrooms, pick out bed linens and art for the walls. Curtains, and pillows, and rugs, oh my!

After a winter of building, summer arrives and my Mom and I decide on a "theme" to decorate - "seaside relaxed". Of course, this theme is dependent on my Mom being able to find everything she wants within a three town radius. Thirty summers at our Cape house and my Mom has never seen a reason to leave our town and the two surrounding towns. She can get to the post office, beach, CVS, book store, movies, Christmas Tree Shop, a few boutiques and plenty of yummy restaurants without "fighting the traffic" beyond her three town kingdom. Also, have I mentioned that my Mom hates computers and the internet and refuses to buy anything online because she "can't touch it and feel the quality". (How am I her daughter?!?! My garage s full of mail order boxes that need to be recycled!)

So, last summer, we venture off to a shop in town and she finds exactly the linens and summer quilts she wants. They are beautiful and unique washes of blues, yellows and whites. Perfect! We need enough for two twin beds and one king. You don't think they'd have everything we needed, do you? Of course not. They don't have the king bedspread but we are in luck as their Hyannis store has it. Phew, what a relief, right? I mean, my Mom is having company tomorrow so what a relief that this is going to work out. Not so fast...Hyannis is outside the tri-town area...it is a 20 minute ride down the dreaded Route 6. I convince her to be adventurous and even offer to drive. The shop owner calls and has them put it aside for us and before my mom can change her mind, I thrust her out into the world.

We arrive at Bedding Bliss in Hyannis. It is in an adorable plaza which might be fun to explore but my Mom is having none of it. We are on a mission. She wants her comforter and then wants to get back to the comfort of home base. We walk through the sliding doors, there are a couple registers up front with lines of people. We don't readily see customer service and I can see my Mom is ready to jack rabbit out of there and ditch the whole mission. I shove her past the registers where we see a young man stocking the shelves.

My Mom walks right up to him and starts explaining her saga. Yes, she considers it a saga. She's going on and on about the addition, her company, our seaside relaxed theme, her arms are flailing, she's saying she has a comforter on hold, explaining the long drive, and complaining that now that she has arrived, she can't find anyone to help her blah, blah, blah. (Clearly, I get my ability to talk and talk and talk from my Mom) After several attempts to interrupt her, I give up - she's on a role and when she's on a role, there is no stopping her.

As my Mom takes a breath, the stock boy mumbles something and walks away. Humph, Mama is not happy about that. For all in the store to hear, she bellows, "HELL-LOOOOO. I was talking to you. Are you getting my comforter? Am I supposed to follow you? HELLLL-O, do you even want the name it is on hold with?".

She turns to me and starts to lament about college kids and their summer jobs and how they have no pride in their work or customer service. She says to me, "I hope you provided better customer service in your summer job than this kid". (Let me think, I worked at a local donut shop where I rode my bike to at 5 am. My uniform consisted of flip flops, jean shorts and a Murphy's Donut t-shirt that had a picture of a Honey dipped donut over each of my boobs and said, Sink Your Teeth Into These - Best on The Cape. I can promise you, my customer service sucked and rarely did people actually get decaf coffee when they asked for it. But these are stories for another day.)

My Mom finally notices that people are staring at us and she asks me why. I finally have a chance to tell her what I wanted all those times I tried to interrupt her on her tirade with the stock boy. "Well, Mom, the kid you were just explaining all your drama to is wearing a large yellow button on his chest that reads, 'I'm deaf. I read lips. Please speak slowly and directly to me'. I'm guessing he missed just about everything you were saying at mock-10 speed while looking around, flailing you arms."

"You're lying. Please tell me you're lying" she says. No such luck and then we do the only thing we can do, laugh like maniacs and run for the door. Just as the exit doors slide open, we see the freedom of the parking lot and I'm promising never to take her out of the tri-town area again...we hear our last name shouted through the store. Crap, now all these people know our name. We turn around to find the stock boy (giant yellow button and all) holding our comforter. My mother slowly, clearly, loudly (odd, since he's deaf) and looking right at him, thanks him for his help.

It really is a lovely bedspread.